I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
