mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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