Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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