Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
