i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
