Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
