While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my being single is dangerous.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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