I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
