brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
