Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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