so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
