Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
