This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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