As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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