New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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