she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
