dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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