My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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