I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
