do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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