I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
