A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
