Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize