i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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