i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
