after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
