i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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