Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
