How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
