remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
