You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
