She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
