420 ftw
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
id be glad to
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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