A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
