Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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