How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
