I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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