i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
