Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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