I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.