So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder