It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket