my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dating After Heartbreak
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.