Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
