Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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