Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
