I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He felt like a one man threesome
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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