i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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