Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
