A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
