I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the condom got lost in my hair
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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