So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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