i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
