i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
