drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
