I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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