You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
