He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
