Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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