you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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