3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize