4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
