A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
