good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
