Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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