So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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