I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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